No means...?

At least in the United States, rape and date rape are extremely sensitive and serious subjects. According to the Bureau of Justice (1992), one in four college women have suffered rape or attempted rape. Of these women, three-quarters know their rapist or attempted rapist, according to a survey conducted by the Bureau of Justice. The statistics are shocking, and the literature provided on the topic of rape and acquaintance rape, I feel, do a good job of communicating what the issues are and that it is NOT okay. Perhaps it wasn't the same in the past, but at least now, my personal impression is that issues like rape and date rape are taken seriously, and people are educated on them.

I've been disturbed, though, by what seems to be a strange laxity on quasi-rape and acquaintance rape in Chinese media. In my limited experience with Chinese movies, I remember at least three that include scenes of sexual harassment but no scenes of litigation or even outrage in response to the rapes. For example, in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Zhang Ziyi plays a princess who is captured by a vagabond ninja of some sort. In his desert cave, he ends up forcing himself upon her. In the movie, 方便面 or Instant Noodles, there is scene of a man and woman who have been seeing each other. They are sitting at the man's house, and the man forces himself upon the woman. And thirdly, in a recently released movie about the AIDS villages in China called 最爱, a man and a woman who know each other are sitting together on a roof and the man sexually harasses the woman.

In all three movies, the men and women know each other, the man forces himself upon the woman, the woman resists in some way, the man disregards her, and despite all of this, on the next day, the man and woman remain friends and even sometimes become lovers. There is no anger on the part of the woman; there is no sense of being defiled or taken advantage of. There is no sense of rape. In the case of 最爱, the woman even seems to be charmed by the man and giggles and smiles sheepishly at him the following day.

Seeing this one time could just be an exception, but seeing it three times in three different movies implies something more. I asked my Chinese roommate about it and explained that such behavior in the U.S. would definitely be unacceptable and punishable by law. She then related to me the Chinese saying, “欲拒还迎”。Basically, it means that one acts like one is refusing sex, but what one really means is that one still welcomes it. Because of traditional Chinese culture, proper women should not desire sex and to act like one wants it would be very unbecoming. So, in order to save face and remain the shy, pure girl that society expects of her, she must always act like she refuses sexual advances. In fact, my roommate explained, if she were too welcoming, the man probably wouldn't even want her to begin with; she would lose her feminine charm and purity. So, in order to win both, the woman resists the man just enough to come off as the innocent female, but not quite enough to battle off the advancing male.

It really is sickening. And this is just one manifestation of a much larger Chinese cultural tradition. The whole virtue of "saving face" and "double talk" is so important here that things like honesty and propriety are frequently sacrificed. Even though, if the woman really wants the man, I guess that means it's not rape....but they both go through the motions of rape. The woman resists, the man fights - and all for the sake of appearing like the woman is the traditional good Chinese girl. I've come to embrace a lot of things about Chinese culture, but I don't think and hope I never will embrace the culture of "saving face".

I'm Chinese! ...wait, no, I'm not

Just when I think I'm Chinese, I realize I don't quite make the cut.

Just the other day, I told my roommate that I had adopted the Chinese custom of washing my feet before I go to bed. And not just before I go to bed, but basically every time I step into the house. My feet get so dirty from walking around, and as soon as I step inside, I take my shoes off. The last thing I want to do is trek dirt around on the floor, so I promptly head to the shower and rinse my soles off. I've gotten to the point where I don't quite feel right or complete without clean feet. It's such a refreshing feeling. Certainly, this foot washing thing is Chinese, right? I mean, I've seen it in movies, and my ai-yi (or Chinese aunt who lives next door) tells me to wash my feet at night. So now that I do, that must mean I'm Chinese.

However, when I told my roommate in satisfaction of my new conformity, she replied that people who wash their feet are usually the people who don't take showers. Something to do with Chinese medicine -- the foot is connected to every part of your body, like, your big toe is connected to your shoulder maybe and the arch is connected to your digestive system. If your feet are good and clean, then the rest of you is too. Furthermore, it's only Northern Chinese who really actually wash their feet before bed.

Doh! Well, that stopped my feeling especially culturally aware and open. I guess I'm still just not quite there yet. And maybe I don't want to be. I'd rather keep my showers. I'll keep the foot washing for good measure anyway, though.

Playing Catch-up

Ah, so I'm an epic fail at blogging my experiences. This could potentially be a very bad sign for an aspiring journalist in this modern, tech-savvy world...hm, there are always second chances, though, right?

Anyway, let's play a little catch up.

I have now been in Nanjing, China for about 3 months. I've gotten to see quite a bit of history. As legend (and wikipedia) has it, Nanjing was founded in 495 BC by Fu Chai, the lord of the State of Wu. Since, then, its been carried though history as the capital to nine dynasties, as well as the Tai Ping government and Sun Yat-sen's Republic of China. It's been witness to tragedy as well as great wealth. When the Taiping government ruled in the mid-1800s, a general from the previous Qing dynasty retook the city in 1864 causing at least 100,000 to either die in the ensuing fighting or commit suicide. In late 1937, the Japanese army invaded and conquered the city. For 6 weeks, the Japanese army reigned absolute terror on the city in what would later be known as "The Rape of Nanjing." During this time, the Japanese army killed anywhere from 200 - 300,000 people (according to various estimates) and tortured and raped thousands more.

In Chinese, the word used for the Nanjing Massacre is the same word used for the Jewish Holocaust - and with good reason. Several weeks ago, my media class did a section on two films that covered the Nanjing Massacre. One is called "Don't Cry, Nanjing," and the other is simply "Nanjing, Nanjing." I had heard of the Rape of Nanjing, but I never had known the extent of the brutality and evil that existed during that time. The Japanese easily defeated the Chinese at Nanjing. Despite their victory, the Japanese proceeded to invade and loot the city; the Japanese Army also had been told they could kill all captives. Many civilians were left to the (lack of) mercy of the soldiers. Soon after the Japanese took the city, many Westerners set up a safety zone for civilians. In the weeks that ensued, though, even the safety zone was not safe. In addition to the at least 200,000 people who were murdered after the Japanese defeated Nanjing, at least 20,000 women were raped and usually mutilated, including young children and elderly women. 20,000! In the 42 days that the Japanese occupied Nanjing, that means that 472 women were raped daily. Oftentimes, one women (or girl) was raped multiple times. I do not want to quote the diaries kept during that time by several of the Western missionaries and businessmen who stayed behind to help. They are so graphic and disturbing. But people like John Rabe, Minnie Vautrin and John Magee witnessed it with their own eyes, yet were able to shelter and save thousands of lives.

After watching the films, I could not sleep. I rarely have trouble sleeping. I stayed up thinking about the terrible atrocities, all the pain, all the evil. I think I understand how so many Chinese hate the Japanese.

Hate is a powerful word, and I do not use it often. But I'm afraid it might be fitting here - for at least the particular individuals who committed these sins, for the people who did not stop them, for the system that allowed it. It is truly terrible. And to think, there are still individuals alive who lived in Nanjing at the time. It gives another depth to this city that I'm in right now, although it's hard to see it now, with the subway lines and highrise buildings.

In China, once again

Once again, I am going to try to blog about my time in China, so that those who might want to see how things are going can come here.


I have arrived in Nanjing. I even have my own apartment now and have completed my first week of classes. As usual, it was a bit of an adventure making it to my hotel on the first night in China. My flight from Shanghai to Nanjing was delayed by an hour. So, I ended up leaving Shanghai at midnight and arriving in Nanjing at 1 a.m. Upon arrival, the bus I could have taken to my hotel was not running anymore (of course). But fortunately, I had met a Chinese woman and her daughter in the Shanghai airport who offered their help. So at 1 a.m. I boarded a bus and traveled to some destination unknown to myself. However, I arrived safely and exited the bus to the dark, lonely streets. I found a taxi and rode to Xi Yuan Mandarin Hotel. When I got out, I didn't see the hotel at all, but the taxi driver seemed confident that he had taken me to the right place, so I got out and started looking around. It was 2 a.m. and I was lugging my two huge suitcases down a small alley hoping to find the hotel. Sure enough, I found it, but the gate was chained shut and all the lights were out, no soul in sight. I walked around for a bit trying to find an open door. I was starting to think up contingency plans for the possibility of not being able to get inside. Right across the street there was an Italian restaurant with the lights on. Just when I was about to park it outside in the cold, a security guard came outside and let me in. Thank goodness! It would have been a cold night outside. My hotel room was still cold, though. Ah, China heaters.

Anyway, I made it. Now I have my own place. Next phase: find a suitable roommate.